Author, comedian and women’s health advocate Nelly Thomas is redefining ageing! As someone living with chronic health conditions and who is also a carer, Nelly has decided to “rip up the script” — to challenge expectations and forge her own path, doing what works for her. Ageing can be a tricky journey to navigate but Nelly uses her classic, honest humour to give us her take on what it means to age vibrantly.
Ageing isn’t one-size-fits-all. Too often, we get caught up in outdated ideas of what it ‘should’ look like. Nelly emphasises that ageing can be hard, add to that challenges that come with living with a chronic health condition and it can become exhausting. For Nelly and her generation, Generation X or the current sandwich generation, – caring for someone older than you, and someone younger – it can often feel like you’re being squeezed and pulled in all different ways. Experiencing this can sometimes make people feel alone as they navigate these challenges.
This isolation is often the result of silence, both within generations but especially across generations. “There is wisdom and lived experience but generationally we are not talking about it enough," Nelly says. In her experience, she particularly notices this silence around topics related to women’s health like menstruation and menopause. As women age there is often a lack of support around menopause. Regardless of it being a normal and natural process, it is still unsupported in our society, especially in comparison to other cultures and communities. For resources focused on women’s health check out ConnectWell with Women’s Health.
Many aspects of ageing are seen as a negative, ignored or something to be avoided. However, Nelly tells us to “accept what you can’t change and work with what you can.” There is no cure-all solution. The challenges that come with ageing, chronic illness, parenting and caring can be overwhelming but accepting that sometimes life can be hard, can help you feel more at peace and work towards solutions, joy and change. She reminds us not to get caught up in expectations — especially the ones that demand constant positivity or perfection. Life, despite what you may have heard, doesn’t need to be perfectly curated and full of forced positivity. Ageing vibrantly is not about how you look, only eating superfoods for every meal or becoming a master in the latest wellness trend. It is about adding in more of the stuff that is good for you and that you enjoy and limiting the things that harm you. Nelly encourages us to make sure we are well by prioritising our health and seeking help when we need it.
The number one tip Nelly has is to find the power in connection. Find the people who get you and the people that connect back and foster connections with them. Nelly shared her concept of ‘Strawberry Friends’ where she marks the people who reach out to her and put effort into their relationship with a strawberry emoji in her phone contacts. This is her way of prioritising positive relationships and going where the love is. She encourages us to stop defaulting to ‘yes’ and to not be afraid to say 'no' and advocate for ourselves when a situation is no longer serving our needs. Find more on how to create and nurture your relationships with ConnectWell with Relationships and ConnectWell with Community.
While it’s important to build your connections with others, don’t overlook connecting with yourself. What did you do before – when you were younger, before chronic illness, caring, divorce, job loss, stress, whatever it may be – that brought you joy? Find that joy again and focus on yourself in the process. “We wait to feel comfortable before we do. We have to do and then we feel comfortable,” Nelly says.
Nelly leaves us with a final thought — sometimes, all you need is a shift in perspective. She shares a quote from Charles Bukowski: "And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, Freedom or Loneliness?”
Ageing vibrantly isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about connection. It’s about courage. Remember, “not everyone gets to age and those who do get to rip up the script.” So go ahead — rip up the script. Age vibrantly, on your own terms.